Imposter Syndrome in Yoga

 

A man breezed into the studio not long ago.

“I saw this was a yoga studio and I just finished my 200 hour and I wanted to see what you have,” he said with some bravado. “Are you a certified instructor?” he asked.

“I am.” I say, casually.

“Yes, but are you 200 hour?” he persists.

“I am.”

“Are you registered with, the RYA or whatever it is?”

“I am,” maintaining my calm.

“We’ll what is your designation? Because I am a [proceeds to mess up the letters of designation].”

“I’m a 500 hour, ERYT.” I say plainly.

“Oh,” he pauses.

We proceed to chat; he begins to calm down and we have a polite exchange and even find a few people in the yoga community we both know. He raved about his 200 hour program, how much he learned, we talked a little about the one I’m currently a DIT (director-in-training) for and then he went on his merry way. I realized as we were talking, he was feeling a bit insecure. He just did this yoga program, got a piece of paper saying he’s a certified yoga teacher and then walked out of the studio and went, “Oh, crap! Now what do I do?” Much like a college student getting a bachelors-there is a moment of fear because the training wheels are off and now you must flex what you learned. It’s quite intimidating.

The term for this is imposter syndrome and according to Google is defined: also known as impostor phenomenon or impostorism, is a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.

You might relate to this idea in your own profession or feel it as a student of yoga. I myself occasionally think, ‘why do these people listen to a thing I say?’ -it creeps into my mind as well. I was once told that a yoga teacher with tattoos seems more credible than one without. I don’t have tattoos *shrug* so I must be less credible of a teacher (if you believe this I will happily send you a list of all the tattooed teachers at MSY…no I won’t). Another time I had to say no to someone about something they were asking me to bend my ethics on and they told me (more than once) that I was “ruining the local yoga community” to sway me. Funny, the yoga community still seems to still be alive and well.

Did all those things shake my compass and make me second guess myself? Yup. Do I regret not getting the tattoo or going against my gut? Not for a second.

Truth be told, it wasn’t that long ago (within the last 100 years) common practice was the yoga student sought out their teacher and often the teacher would say no. This teacher might say no many times before maybe agreeing to take on the student. Then there was no certification, no abbreviations after a person’s name discerning their position. Maybe they wore robes of a certain color and shave their head, but that was about it. Maybe this is where some of that energy comes from. Lingering from years of needing to be deemed ‘worthy’ of getting to practice yoga.

Now, we are far removed from the renunciate tradition and use physical objects and money to qualify our level of experience. While money can be a motivator, it cannot purchase motivation. It’s a good thing too, because yoga is a discipline. Somewhere along the path this got flipped. We keep trying to add things to our practice, fancy mats and pants, but the practice is actually asking you for less.

Yoganand Michael Carroll’s definition of an advanced practitioner is someone who knows what they can do and shouldn’t do. I have clients who have been practicing for over 15 years and still keep a toe down in tree pose. Does that make their years of practice less valuable than the person who can immediately bring their foot higher on their leg in the first try?

Some of our imposter syndrome may come from outside noise, but ultimately when it shakes you, it’s because it’s getting in a little. Sometimes that can be a good opportunity for reflection, to observe yourself and see where you live with it. Turning over something in your mind can be apart of the practice so you can dissolve the story it made and move on. It might be a good time to talk to your teacher and see of they have anything they can offer from their experience to help give you more words or framework around what you’re experiencing.

If you are experiencing any degree of imposter syndrome with yoga, whether you are a beginning student, a student who has been taking for a period of time or a student who has been around for years, consider these 2 thoughts.

1. All yoga students tend to have one trait consistent among them: they all have a curious mind. Embrace that and use it to fuel your practice so you always have a takeaway. This will help you grow and the building blocks of the practice will become more obvious. Journaling is a great tool here.
2. Comparison in yoga is a toxic trait. It implies that you are either there to intimidate all the other people in the room with your yoga prowess OR you are allowing yourself to be intimidated by the other people in the room. If you remember to, ask yourself, Am I showing off? Are they showing off? Likely the answer will be no on both, but it can be a good reminder that you are there for you and they are there for them.

 At the end of the day, the person we have to answer to is the one who looks back at us in the mirror. That person is not an imposter, they are someone who is playing the long game and the long game is the yoga.

Weekly Letter: Stop making your practice a chore, by making it a chore

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

I compare yoga to flossing one’s teeth.

Let me explain.

We have a problem in this industry where yoga has become an exercise that takes discipline to do. It’s used in gyms, it’s marketed as stretching and then peddled with underlying guilt if you don’t practice.

I’ve fallen victim to this logic at times myself. More often early in my practice, but over time, I have taken to approaching my practice like flossing my teeth.

If a person doesn’t floss, they often don’t feel any different. They can still eat, move around and live their life. But under the gum line, there is something very different happening that will eventually cause the person pain and bouts of discomfort. These bouts are often for a short time until they get into their dentist and ‘fix’ the issue. But the dentist always reminds the client about the value of flossing every single visit.

Yoga is very similar to this idea. I may not feel any different if I skip my practice once, twice, I may not think I’m missing anything, but slowly build-up occurs. This build up can manifest itself in a few different ways-I might be more distracted, irritable or disconnected than usual. I might have a panic attack as the stress of whatever I’m working through becomes overwhelming. I might even start to get triggered and not know why.

Grappling with an irregular practice led to the peaks and valleys that come with stress and a cluttered mind. By treating my practice less like an option or something I should do and more like an everyday activity helps make it less daunting. It also removes the pressure of disappointing myself.

I basically changed the location of this responsibility in my brain. No longer do I categorize yoga as exercise. It doesn’t live there anymore. It now lives on the shelf in my mind next to flossing.

I offer this idea to you-maybe it helps you to change any struggle you have incorporating yoga into your day.

Keep flossing,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: Changing the routine

 *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

I was teaching my meditation class this week and we touched upon how certain things we say in casual conversations, specifically with new people, elicit specific responses.

For example, if I say that I’m a yoga teacher, the individual will often explain all the reasons they can’t do yoga. In some exchanges, I don’t even say that and just say, I own a small business. You’d be amazed at how rarely they ask me what kind of business I have.

One of my students said recently they met someone and instead of the ‘what do you do’ question, the person asked, ‘What are you currently obsessed with?’ leading to a more meaningful conversation.

Whoever this person is, I love that they’re out there changing the narrative on an otherwise dull conversation starter.

So I offer this to you, especially if you’re sick of the uninspired chatter. How by being a touch more thoughtful, could you make a meaningful impression? And also, what are you obsessed with right now?

Challenge the mundane,

~Carmen

PS: I’m currently obsessed with updating my kitchen.

Weekly Letter: Removing superstition

  *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Last weekend I had a director for the Pranakriya School of Yoga in town to help lead yoga teacher training. His name is Vladimir and he currently resides in Atlanta, GA, but is originally from Bulgaria.

On Saturday, Vlad and I came back to the house as my husband was doing some chores. I went up to the bedroom to change and a large mirror that has hung over his dresser for years was on the floor, broken. He said he had heard something as he was working around the house, but couldn’t tell where it had come from.

The next day, I made a joke to Vlad about the mirror being bad luck.

Vlad explained that in Bulgaria and many other countries, broken glass is good luck. Actually, in many countries broken glass means good luck.

To that I replied, ‘Well, since I have a Bulgarian in the house, it’s good luck!’

At dinner that night, I mentioned the conversation to Levi and Vlad expanded. He explained in Bulgaria, a black cat crossing your path means you’re about to have a visitor. Or if you spill your drink, it means that your ancestors wanted a sip and were reaching for the glass at the same time, causing it to spill.

I have to admit, I loved this conversation and have thought a lot about it the last week. Taking an idea and shifting it around so the entire energy has a different meaning is so intriguing to me and very in line with how our practice can change the energy of our bodies and mind in a short amount of time. Leaving class or practice feeling a little lighter or less stressed is a great takeaway. We live in a society that is so eager to latch onto the negative, removing [superstition] which depletes our energy, in my opinion, is a healthier option.

Individuals attach a lot of meaning to certain scenarios, objects and more. In yoga, the practice of removing these labels, ideas or associations to become closer to the authentic self is a constant exercise of rejuvenation. And in the case of attaching negativity to a broken mirror, what was briefly a daunting cloud became a ray of hope.

Sending you hope,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: Savor the warm days

  *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

There’s something that happens around here after the 4th of July. It’s as though the 4th marks the end of Summer, instead of the beginning. School supplies begin to emerge at the store and holiday decorations spanning the last 6 mos of the year creep onto the shelves.

While other seasons are more obvious in their arrival, Summer is more elusive. We eagerly wait the heats arrival, impatient with our floaties in one hand and lemonade in the other. The tomatoes seem to be the only entity that wants to celebrate the sunshine as they explode on the vine for you and all your neighbors to enjoy (and your neighbor’s neighbor…). But as quick as the tomatoes arrive, we’re gone. Holding up in the air conditioning hiding from mosquitoes and wishing in the cool evenings of the Fall.

The only people who don’t seem to be in a hurry are the teachers-even more so than the students. Shhhh…don’t remind them.

Maybe they are who we take a cue from. Reminding us what a gift this time is as we savor these long days without a coat and remember how we spent half the year awaiting its arrival. Summer gives us space to enjoy these long moments and recreate some memories of summers past.

Enjoy the sunshine and lemonade,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: Nice vs Real

  *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

My best friend, Lisa, told me once that I remind her of the kid from the story The Emperor’s New Clothes. She meant it as a compliment and I took it that way. In fact, she took it to such heart, it has reinforced our relationship for over 20 years and counting.

In yoga, the term Satya means truth. The ‘ya’ in the word implies action. As though truth is a verb. Observance of satya also recognizes the subtleties of truth and how context, white lies and manipulation all play a role in violating satya. Depending how you’re interacting with satya, it might take on layers of meaning changing or growing as you study it.

For example, Yogiraj Achala said, ‘beware of nice people.’ In this statement, he is referring to a person who is nice before anything else. A person who always gives the standard polite answer, who cringes at deep questions, who puts up a façade of nice because to them, it is the prescription for a good life.

This concept of nice isn’t on the scale of nice and not nice. In this conversation, we are looking at Nice vs Real.

A real person gives you an honest answer, even if it isn’t the standard. A real person isn’t afraid to let something be complicated. A real person doesn’t have to edit their answers to make everyone more comfortable because they are coming from a true place. A real person, also doesn’t bear the burden of responsibility to remember the fine details of their words or actions because they were being honest in the moment.

This isn’t to say a real person cant be nice, or a nice person cant be real. But who are they more often?

We might say, we look for nice as one trait in relationships, but it joins a list with other characteristics. Think of your closest friends, are they nice or are they real? I wager, that your friends are nice, but you like them because you can be real with each other.

I invite you to take a moment and think about those people in your life who you most value. The people who make up your core. Would they have the courage to tell you that you’re not wearing any clothes, before parading you around the village? Would you tell them?

Stay real,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: Seeing the themes

  *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

A couple weeks ago, I felt I was having many conversations with the same theme. It was uncanny how much it was coming up. And maybe this was me interjecting logical fallacies to work with something I had been stewing on, but because the conversations were more conceptual in nature-I’m not sure that’s true.

I often prescribe a theme to my week as it begins to progress. Sometimes these themes help me align with what I need to do or remind me to pause. Themes can create cohesion during a time that’s more disjointed and remind me of my true North.

We often theme in life. We theme around the seasons, the holidays and personal events, but what about those weeks that are less festive? Can you work theme or intention in and create more unification to your inner self?

Does this sound hokey? Maybe, but how many times have you let all the sh** of the week consume you? How many times have you lived in hindsight believing that you could have changed the course of the week by changing your attitude? I’m writing this out loud because I’ve been guilty of it too.

Not all weeks present the theme in an obvious or upbeat way. Last week, I felt like my theme was best described as: disjointed. Yoga teachers have rough weeks too.  Taking notice of what the week was shaping up to be, gave me the reminder to give myself a little grace so I didn’t carry it forward into everything else.

When you don’t have an obvious theme, do you have a mantra or word that you go back to? Something that has deep meaning to you-even if it is simple or silly. Something that reminds you of the essence of who you are. If you’re not sure, pick something that hits home for you today and give it permission to change as you need it to. Pinterest is a great source for quotes, but a Google search can be wonderful too. I don’t care if you write it down, make it your password or tattoo it to your forehead…more than anything, I’m asking you to pause and consider in those fleeting moments during the week. To pause and consider how this moment could change the trajectory of your week.

Savor the pause,

~Carmen

This is what I want to say to the person thinking about yoga teacher training (YTT), but…

 

• A) They don’t feel qualified to take the program because while they have been practicing regularly for a year or more, they don’t think they are advanced enough
• B) They want to take the training, but they don’t want to teach

To Person A:

An ‘advanced’ practitioner is NOT someone who can put their foot behind their head. An advanced practitioner is someone who knows when they shouldn’t.

I have students who have been in their practice for many years and who still keep a toe on the ground in tree pose because they know that’s better for them. I know teachers who have injured themselves so badly doing the more ‘impressive’ postures-they only do gentle or restorative yoga anymore. I know people who have gone through the teacher training of all ages and ability (notice I didn’t use the word skill). Skill is something you develop in the training. Its something that’s just for you. And can be flexed in a variety of ways.

To Person B:

In my experience, only about half of the people who go through YTT actually teach. Many, many people go through the program for their own personal development. This program really should be called ‘Advanced Training & Teacher Certification’ or something to the effect. I think that sometimes people only see YTT as a direct path to a classroom, but its beyond that. In YTT there is a deep level of self-inquiry that happens. Students are challenged to face themselves in a way that a 75-90min class cant do. Its an intense program that truly transforms every single person who goes through it.

What should you read before doing YTT? I could give a huge list, but because there is quite a bit of homework, you might consider The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin. It is a book that helps people identify how they build their habits and routines. Having a good understand of yourself prior to the program is helpful.

I would ask the person reading this, who has been quiet about their curiosity to take a moment and send me a message (carmen@mainstreetyoga.com) letting me know they’re curious. I can show you the manual and books. We can talk about your ‘why’. I have no desire to do the hard sell, because that’s not for people interested in YTT. People come to this on their own-like a calling. Letting me know you’re interested in learning more, I can give you classes to better prepare you, books to read, workshops and things to try. You get put on a special list and are the first to know about upcoming programs and compliments to them.

I look forward to hearing from the person hesitating right now. This is your sign.

In & Out: Living with someone battling depression

 

I once lived with a person who was diagnosed with depression.

They also worked with self-harm, addiction, borderline personality disorder and lived a very unhealthy lifestyle. Some of those things I knew about and some I didn’t, but what I experienced left a lifelong impression on how its possible to live with someone battling their own mind and not understand it completely. When during a talk show, the family is asked, ‘How did you NOT know this was happening?’ I totally understand how they didn’t know.  

What I didn’t understand was how my boyfriend processed his thoughts. He would repeatedly try to explain to me what his experience was and desperately wanted me to understand, but I just couldn’t. I tried everything I could to pull him out of his depression, but the more I tried the worse it got. I felt like my brain kept hitting this wall preventing me from comprehending what his experience was like! Even my feigning at understanding fell flat and it was like we were speaking two different languages. He knew I didn’t get it.

How it was possible he could be in the same room having a completely different experience than me? The closest comparison I have now is the show Stranger Things. The way he would describe his experience reminds me much like living in the Upsidedown. Because while the sun is shining for me, it’s all cloudy and grey for him. Food tastes differently, clothes feel differently, the weight of a word hits differently. And there’s no way to predict when that’s going to happen.

I think we both always knew we would never end up together, even when things we’re ok, ultimately were still very different people who wanted different things. Sometimes he would make predictions or prophesize our futures and as the relationship optimist I would roll my eyes.

I could write off my inability to relate because I was young (in my early 20s) with no understanding or training on how to deal with someone like this, but my situation wasn’t unique. Many, many people live with loved ones who battle mental health with no training or understanding. Sometimes they don’t even know the person is working with a mental health issue until much later. That was true for my experience. He wasn’t diagnosed with BPD until after we finally broke up. I knew he worked with depression, I knew about the cutting, but the overarching diagnosis, wasn’t until much later.

One of the best things I think an outsider can do is to acknowledge when you don’t understand but remain open to listening. I believe it was Deborah Adele who likened the act of listening to being a sanctuary for the other person’s thoughts. But can you be an ear without trying to fix or compare? Can you listen for listening’s sake?

One of the biggest takeaways for me after this experience was: I couldn’t see what I couldn’t see. And that wasn’t my fault, but this idea allows me some grace moving forward to understand that there could be a different perspective and to hold space for it.

In the end, we were not right for each other, so we parted ways. I haven’t talked to him in many years, and I imagine our lives look very different from each other, but every now again one of his predictions rings true and I think of him and wish him well.

I once lived with a person who was diagnosed with depression.

They also worked with self-harm, addiction, borderline personality disorder and lived a very unhealthy lifestyle. Some of those things I knew about and some I didn’t, but what I experienced left a lifelong impression on how its possible to live with someone battling their own mind and not understand it completely. When during a talk show, the family is asked, ‘How did you NOT know this was happening?’ I totally understand how they didn’t know.  

What I didn’t understand was how my boyfriend processed his thoughts. He would repeatedly try to explain to me what his experience was and desperately wanted me to understand, but I just couldn’t. I tried everything I could to pull him out of his depression, but the more I tried the worse it got. I felt like my brain kept hitting this wall preventing me from comprehending what his experience was like! Even my feigning at understanding fell flat and it was like we were speaking two different languages. He knew I didn’t get it.

How it was possible he could be in the same room having a completely different experience than me? The closest comparison I have now is the show Stranger Things. The way he would describe his experience reminds me much like living in the Upsidedown. Because while the sun is shining for me, it’s all cloudy and grey for him. Food tastes differently, clothes feel differently, the weight of a word hits differently. And there’s no way to predict when that’s going to happen.

I think we both always knew we would never end up together, even when things we’re ok, ultimately were still very different people who wanted different things. Sometimes he would make predictions or prophesize our futures and as the relationship optimist I would roll my eyes.

I could write off my inability to relate because I was young (in my early 20s) with no understanding or training on how to deal with someone like this, but my situation wasn’t unique. Many, many people live with loved ones who battle mental health with no training or understanding. Sometimes they don’t even know the person is working with a mental health issue until much later. That was true for my experience. He wasn’t diagnosed with BPD until after we finally broke up. I knew he worked with depression, I knew about the cutting, but the overarching diagnosis, wasn’t until much later.

One of the best things I think an outsider can do is to acknowledge when you don’t understand but remain open to listening. I believe it was Deborah Adele who likened the act of listening to being a sanctuary for the other person’s thoughts. But can you be an ear without trying to fix or compare? Can you listen for listening’s sake?

One of the biggest takeaways for me after this experience was: I couldn’t see what I couldn’t see. And that wasn’t my fault, but this idea allows me some grace moving forward to understand that there could be a different perspective and to hold space for it.

In the end, we were not right for each other, so we parted ways. I haven’t talked to him in many years, and I imagine our lives look very different from each other, but every now again one of his predictions rings true and I think of him and wish him well.

A letter to my younger self

 

I was listening to a podcast a couple years ago I still think about from time to time. I believe it was Kristin Bell who was talking about therapy. She mentioned a ‘common’ exercise therapists use, which is writing your younger self a letter.

I’ve been in and out of therapy for years and have never heard about this exercise, but I found the idea compelling, so I immediately started writing. As I wrote, I kept thinking about who I was then and wondering, ‘Would I even listen to me?”

Recently, I came across a journal of mine from high school. I cringed as I read the ramblings of a 17-year-old girl talk about boys and the things which frustrated her. This was a girl who put more energy into the things that didn’t matter, rather than the things that filled her. This girl was looking for an answer to a question she didn’t know how to ask. Who probably should have been a foreign exchange student-not because she was worldly, but because she wasn’t.

As I’m reading through her teenage drama, I’m rethinking the idea of a letter. If given the opportunity to go back, I don’t think it would be a letter I would give her. I would write a book list. Books I should have read during different periods of my life.

I wouldn’t discourage anything I did read then, but I would contribute to that voracious reader who didn’t know where to go for sustenance. Keep The Babysitters Club and all the Laura Ingalls Wilder that fed the country girl who enjoyed playing house at a young age, but add Jane Eyre and Little Women around the 6^th grade. She didn’t have many friends then anyway, so read the books that will confirm her strong nature and confidence in self. In junior high, introduce 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and tell her she might not follow the whole thing, but look at the overarching concepts and Covey’s definition of integrity. And then reread Jane Eyre.

Develop humility with Jane Austin by reading how Elizabeth Bennet jumps to conclusions and Emma Woodhouse meddles. Show her the silliness in others so she can begin to recognize when it emerges within herself.

The Secret Garden, just so she gets something beautiful in the mix. I know I read it when I was younger, I just don’t remember when.

My book list wouldn’t be a punishment, but a love letter to that girl, the book lover. Remind them of their inner voice and how it conflicts with the rapid changes of that time in life. How when no one seems to be listening-there are people out there who have felt what she has felt. Let her know that the voice she will spend years trying to silence through useless distractions will find a sanctuary in bookstores. And tell her to ignore anyone who discourages her spending money on books. She’ll appreciate the encouragement to rebel through reading.

What would you say to your younger self? And the better question is, would they listen?

You learn it as you don’t know it

 

I’ve been blessed to have some amazing conversations in my profession that really flex the range of human experience. Sometimes the conversations delve into a spiritual place and sometimes more practical.

This week I was talking to a client who is in the final phase of selling off the pieces to their business so they can retire. We have had some cool conversations being business owners and the reality vs the perception. I don’t even remember exactly what I said, but the quote above was her response. After she said it, I wrote it on a post-it to keep. It’s the best description of what its like to be an entrepreneur I’ve ever heard.

When I bought my business, there wasn’t a class I took. Sure, people give you advice (they tend to do that about anything), but you don’t necessarily want to take it all, nor does all the advice apply to every business. Being a business owner involves a lot of putting out fires and dealing with the most pressing issues as they arrive…and they always do! It’s a lot of putting your shoulder into something to get it done and the time to be innovative or creative are not as frequent as you’d hope.

This concept also lends itself to hold space for business owners who haven’t encountered something yet. Its SO easy to sit back and say, ‘How did they not know to do (BLANK)?’ But until the person either self-educates and happens to read the right book or take the right class or talk to the right person at the right time, how are they supposed to know? And when the person trips over their shortcomings, all they hope for is a little grace to survive the situation and do better next time.

The business is as human as the person running it and adding ego is an unnecessary pitfall. Humility is the cure because humility gives the individual the power to admit when they don’t know.

Simple-minded isn’t better

 I unfollowed an Instagram page after only one day.

What the entire page felt like.

You might think, “Wow, that bad?”, no, it really wasn’t bad. I think they were aiming for a sweet simplicity of thought. The page was full of little affirmations with pretty backgrounds. Lots of beaches and sunsets. And while I didn’t see anything that said, “Live Laugh Love” it still gave me a vibe.

What vibe is that you ask? The implication that simple thinking equates contentment. As though, the less we think, the happier we’ll be. But we live in a society that once (and hopefully still does) place value on education and intelligence only to constantly remind people to disconnect thought and complexity from their lives through removing the thing we need to get to a higher plane of thinking or functioning. Do you see the vicious loop we’re in??? It makes zero sense to me that we will be better by thinking less.

If that were true, the best yogis would be some of the most simpleminded people. But they’re not. They continue to think and analyze the situation and sit with thought. Not to remove it, but to give it room to process and develop. Our thinking isn’t something to run from, its something we need to be better at embracing and being with. When a device is overloaded, you take the time to reboot it, let it cool down or process an upgrade (yoga can give the mind a break like this). You learned a long time ago that by continuing to punch buttons on a machine doesn’t help and can harm. Science and marketing are telling us to value sleep and diet and give ourselves those things. Great, but all sleep isn’t helpful either.

The process of thought, in my opinion, requires an ever-evolving development. Im a big fan of the phrase, ‘you don’t know what you don’t know until you know it.’ By giving ourselves the freedom to evolve our own thinking on the regular lends itself the space to grow and move and adapt. We are one of the most adaptable species on this planet. How are we going to remove thought and continue to evolve? We won’t.

I don’t want to discourage the idea of simplifying concepts into tangible steps or processes, that is productive. That is more of a yogi ideal (look up Samkhya Philosophy). How can we take something and pull it apart to piece it back together so we can understand it better? How can we use the tools available to us to evolve our level of thinking in a way to improve the quality of life for ourselves and those around us?

These are the types of inquiry we need to use to gain a better understanding of ourselves, so when we are hit with the phrase, ‘choose what chooses you’ (ugh) you can transform it into something deeper, for example, ‘lend yourself the idea that many possibilities are an opportunity for growth’ Because if I just rolled with the things that chose me…my life would be much more complicated. You get to choose.

Chipping Away for a deeper practice

 

A little over 12 years ago, my husband began a transformational journey. At 30 years old, he was high risk for heart attack, heart disease and diabetes. He had regular acid reflux, so regular, he slept in a recliner to keep his head above his stomach. His lifestyle at the time, consisted of a very unhealthy diet with soda and fast food being a primary source of ‘nutrients.’ The recliner was his one-man dessert island and one year, he watched every single Cubs game from that chair. One hundred and sixty two games, beginning to end.

Levi doesn’t describe this time in his life with pride nor disgust. When he describes this time, its almost like he was percolating. He knew something needed to give, but wasn’t sure when or how to do it. After a scare with chest pains (turned out to be a pulled muscle), Levi found himself at the doctor’s office where his ruminating came to a conclusion. The doctor began to inform him that while, this situation wasn’t a heart attack, at the rate he was living, the likelihood of one was becoming likely.  

Levi began to make changes. The first thing he did was remove soda from his diet, then adjusted his overeating by limiting food to one helping and passing on seconds. After a time, he began switching from hamburgers or pizza at lunch for salads. Physical activity goals began with making himself move 3 miles a day whether it be walking, biking or elliptical. Eventually, he began attending the gym regularly and incorporated more dynamic movement, weights and more.

In 9 months, Levi dropped 75lbs.

Fast forward about 10 years; Levi has kept off all the the 75lbs plus some (approx. 95lbs in all). We are standing in the kitchen talking about his experience and I was sharing some of my own frustrations with my weight at the time. As we’re discussing this, Levi says, “I think of my workout as ‘chipping away’ so I don’t get discouraged. I know its not going to happen all at once, but bit by bit.”

You know those moments where your brain has an ‘aha’ moment? Yeah, that comment created one for me. “Chipping away” became something that I started to chew over. We have different terms, but all can be equated to this chipping idea: compound interest, habit building, routine/practice, growth, etc. Often in yoga, there is conversations about more, better, bigger, harder, but considering the concept of removing, lends an accessibility to the concept.

The more I think about this idea, the more I realize how much of the languaging in older yoga texts are more often reductive in theory. Removing story, stress and pain. Asking the student to be their most self in the subtilties of simplicity instead of the expanse. Allowing the posture to be a tool to shed burden or distraction. How would it feel to approach your practice in this way? Not “What can I do?”, but “What can I get rid of?” If you’re challenging yourself through elimination, comparison would be null. You would have no idea what the person next to you is grappling with, nor would you care. You would only worry about the task at hand in your own system.

By actively shedding burden within your practice, you begin to develop a more renunciate type of practice. “What can I do with less?” in a practice can be incredibly soothing by creating a more productive approach to relieving stress in a practice. Reductive practices invite the student to channel within in a different way.

In an advanced program led by Yoganand Michael Carroll, we were about to be dismissed for lunch. Yoganand asked us to take into consideration what we were about to consume and nourish our bodies with. He requested us to make sure we didn’t eat too much, but just enough. He also requested that we consider what we eat so it doesn’t ‘leave a residue.’ Residue is also an accumulation that can impact our bodies and distract our minds. Residue influences our decisions and doesn’t give us the opportunity to be our whole selves in an experience because in the back of our mind, we’re so aware of the distraction its mot allowing our whole self to be apart of the experience.

Its been years since Levi sat in that doctors office and began the shedding of many things that were not serving him. If you talk to him today, he will say he’s not done yet and that his journey is ongoing. We accumulate and then eliminate. The accumulation is what marketing says we need, but it’s the removal that actually gives us the more profound and long term benefits. I invite you to try your next practice with a reductive mind. Tell me how it goes.

Weekly Letter: Safely looking at chalana

 *Weekly Letters is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Greetings from my ‘hidey-hole’,

‘Hidey-hole’ is a term my friend Erin uses to describe the little corners her pups will crawl into for play or a nap. I like the term because its playful and makes me think of all the little nooks, forts and places I would create as a country kid in the woods.

Pre-2020, on days with heavy snow, I used to make posts reminding folks about the value of slowing down and taking pause. I used to find value (still do) in getting snowed in and how everything got really quiet. But I get the feeling, discussing the need for pause might be met with an eyeroll or two after these last 2 years. As though we’re living the ‘hurry up and wait’ joke often associated with weddings, except we’ve been riding the breaks for some time.

We are in a situation, where changing your plans at the last second is understood and socially acceptable. The word ‘safe’ is used regularly and in a context of not only self-preservation, but of soul preservation too. Boundaries and distancing are encouraged and being around people now facilitates feelings of anxiety. While this is certain not to last, I think we might have also found ourselves in deep layers of contemplation during this time. For example, people have taken the time and reevaluated what was working regarding living spaces, jobs, diet, climates and more.

In yoga, teachers often use dialogue with words like: contemplation, reflection, observation, chalana (churning). Chalana (pronounced: cha-la-na, soft a) is the lesser charming parts of ourselves being unveiled to us organically. We dont get to chose how chalana is delivered-so the experience can be rough. Sometimes chalana presents as ‘monkey mind’, the Buddhist term for being distracted by thought. Other times chalana might be a lingering feeling of discomfort. Everyone’s chalana is different because our path on the road of life has taken each of us different routes. We may have shared experiences, but with differences.

I invite you to consider the concept of chalana during your practice or time of reflection. Consider the moments you’re uncomfortable in your mind to take pause and observe what this is trying to show you. And maybe even having the word, ‘chalana‘ in your vocabulary can give you some measure for future practice whether you’re joining from the studio or your own ‘hidey-hole’.

Be safe,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: New Year, New Guilt

 *Weekly Letters is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Hi there!

I think every January we get overwhelmed by emails and promotions saying something along the lines of, ‘New Year, New You’, implying there is something wrong with how you are now.

What an interesting marketing technique. Guilt you into doing something by devaluing who you are today. If you’re anything like me, a few 4-letter words run through my head anytime I see a marketing campaign that tries the guilt approach to earn my dollars and my time. I can make myself feel guilty all by myself, thank you very much! I don’t need your help.

Our culture is already submerged in ‘compare-culture’. Instead of keeping up with the Jones’, now we have an Insta-hood to feel less than or insecure. No more comparing yards, now its feeds. And if you don’t participate in social media, my hat off to you-save yourself the headache.

At the studio, our practice and our teachers are constantly reminding you to ‘meet you where you are’. This isn’t some coined phrase, this is genuinely how each MSY teacher feels! I am SO proud to work with a group of people committed to cultivating a space where students can be in the body they have today. And what an interesting body each of you have. Layers of experiences accumulate inside the container that is you!

Our practice is the last place we need to feel less-than because no other body has had the same history as you have had. No other body feels in the same way you do. And each person gets to identify their experiences for themselves-its only the job of the teacher to provide suggestions in an attempt to give you something new to think about, hopefully deepening what you already experience. Its called yoga practice, not perfection.

I look forward to another year of continued connection and practice. May all our journeys on this rock be long ones,

~Carmen