A letter to my younger self

 

I was listening to a podcast a couple years ago I still think about from time to time. I believe it was Kristin Bell who was talking about therapy. She mentioned a ‘common’ exercise therapists use, which is writing your younger self a letter.

I’ve been in and out of therapy for years and have never heard about this exercise, but I found the idea compelling, so I immediately started writing. As I wrote, I kept thinking about who I was then and wondering, ‘Would I even listen to me?”

Recently, I came across a journal of mine from high school. I cringed as I read the ramblings of a 17-year-old girl talk about boys and the things which frustrated her. This was a girl who put more energy into the things that didn’t matter, rather than the things that filled her. This girl was looking for an answer to a question she didn’t know how to ask. Who probably should have been a foreign exchange student-not because she was worldly, but because she wasn’t.

As I’m reading through her teenage drama, I’m rethinking the idea of a letter. If given the opportunity to go back, I don’t think it would be a letter I would give her. I would write a book list. Books I should have read during different periods of my life.

I wouldn’t discourage anything I did read then, but I would contribute to that voracious reader who didn’t know where to go for sustenance. Keep The Babysitters Club and all the Laura Ingalls Wilder that fed the country girl who enjoyed playing house at a young age, but add Jane Eyre and Little Women around the 6^th grade. She didn’t have many friends then anyway, so read the books that will confirm her strong nature and confidence in self. In junior high, introduce 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and tell her she might not follow the whole thing, but look at the overarching concepts and Covey’s definition of integrity. And then reread Jane Eyre.

Develop humility with Jane Austin by reading how Elizabeth Bennet jumps to conclusions and Emma Woodhouse meddles. Show her the silliness in others so she can begin to recognize when it emerges within herself.

The Secret Garden, just so she gets something beautiful in the mix. I know I read it when I was younger, I just don’t remember when.

My book list wouldn’t be a punishment, but a love letter to that girl, the book lover. Remind them of their inner voice and how it conflicts with the rapid changes of that time in life. How when no one seems to be listening-there are people out there who have felt what she has felt. Let her know that the voice she will spend years trying to silence through useless distractions will find a sanctuary in bookstores. And tell her to ignore anyone who discourages her spending money on books. She’ll appreciate the encouragement to rebel through reading.

What would you say to your younger self? And the better question is, would they listen?

You learn it as you don’t know it

 

I’ve been blessed to have some amazing conversations in my profession that really flex the range of human experience. Sometimes the conversations delve into a spiritual place and sometimes more practical.

This week I was talking to a client who is in the final phase of selling off the pieces to their business so they can retire. We have had some cool conversations being business owners and the reality vs the perception. I don’t even remember exactly what I said, but the quote above was her response. After she said it, I wrote it on a post-it to keep. It’s the best description of what its like to be an entrepreneur I’ve ever heard.

When I bought my business, there wasn’t a class I took. Sure, people give you advice (they tend to do that about anything), but you don’t necessarily want to take it all, nor does all the advice apply to every business. Being a business owner involves a lot of putting out fires and dealing with the most pressing issues as they arrive…and they always do! It’s a lot of putting your shoulder into something to get it done and the time to be innovative or creative are not as frequent as you’d hope.

This concept also lends itself to hold space for business owners who haven’t encountered something yet. Its SO easy to sit back and say, ‘How did they not know to do (BLANK)?’ But until the person either self-educates and happens to read the right book or take the right class or talk to the right person at the right time, how are they supposed to know? And when the person trips over their shortcomings, all they hope for is a little grace to survive the situation and do better next time.

The business is as human as the person running it and adding ego is an unnecessary pitfall. Humility is the cure because humility gives the individual the power to admit when they don’t know.