Weekly Letter: Seeing the themes

  *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

A couple weeks ago, I felt I was having many conversations with the same theme. It was uncanny how much it was coming up. And maybe this was me interjecting logical fallacies to work with something I had been stewing on, but because the conversations were more conceptual in nature-I’m not sure that’s true.

I often prescribe a theme to my week as it begins to progress. Sometimes these themes help me align with what I need to do or remind me to pause. Themes can create cohesion during a time that’s more disjointed and remind me of my true North.

We often theme in life. We theme around the seasons, the holidays and personal events, but what about those weeks that are less festive? Can you work theme or intention in and create more unification to your inner self?

Does this sound hokey? Maybe, but how many times have you let all the sh** of the week consume you? How many times have you lived in hindsight believing that you could have changed the course of the week by changing your attitude? I’m writing this out loud because I’ve been guilty of it too.

Not all weeks present the theme in an obvious or upbeat way. Last week, I felt like my theme was best described as: disjointed. Yoga teachers have rough weeks too.  Taking notice of what the week was shaping up to be, gave me the reminder to give myself a little grace so I didn’t carry it forward into everything else.

When you don’t have an obvious theme, do you have a mantra or word that you go back to? Something that has deep meaning to you-even if it is simple or silly. Something that reminds you of the essence of who you are. If you’re not sure, pick something that hits home for you today and give it permission to change as you need it to. Pinterest is a great source for quotes, but a Google search can be wonderful too. I don’t care if you write it down, make it your password or tattoo it to your forehead…more than anything, I’m asking you to pause and consider in those fleeting moments during the week. To pause and consider how this moment could change the trajectory of your week.

Savor the pause,

~Carmen

This is what I want to say to the person thinking about yoga teacher training (YTT), but…

 

• A) They don’t feel qualified to take the program because while they have been practicing regularly for a year or more, they don’t think they are advanced enough
• B) They want to take the training, but they don’t want to teach

To Person A:

An ‘advanced’ practitioner is NOT someone who can put their foot behind their head. An advanced practitioner is someone who knows when they shouldn’t.

I have students who have been in their practice for many years and who still keep a toe on the ground in tree pose because they know that’s better for them. I know teachers who have injured themselves so badly doing the more ‘impressive’ postures-they only do gentle or restorative yoga anymore. I know people who have gone through the teacher training of all ages and ability (notice I didn’t use the word skill). Skill is something you develop in the training. Its something that’s just for you. And can be flexed in a variety of ways.

To Person B:

In my experience, only about half of the people who go through YTT actually teach. Many, many people go through the program for their own personal development. This program really should be called ‘Advanced Training & Teacher Certification’ or something to the effect. I think that sometimes people only see YTT as a direct path to a classroom, but its beyond that. In YTT there is a deep level of self-inquiry that happens. Students are challenged to face themselves in a way that a 75-90min class cant do. Its an intense program that truly transforms every single person who goes through it.

What should you read before doing YTT? I could give a huge list, but because there is quite a bit of homework, you might consider The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin. It is a book that helps people identify how they build their habits and routines. Having a good understand of yourself prior to the program is helpful.

I would ask the person reading this, who has been quiet about their curiosity to take a moment and send me a message (carmen@mainstreetyoga.com) letting me know they’re curious. I can show you the manual and books. We can talk about your ‘why’. I have no desire to do the hard sell, because that’s not for people interested in YTT. People come to this on their own-like a calling. Letting me know you’re interested in learning more, I can give you classes to better prepare you, books to read, workshops and things to try. You get put on a special list and are the first to know about upcoming programs and compliments to them.

I look forward to hearing from the person hesitating right now. This is your sign.

In & Out: Living with someone battling depression

 

I once lived with a person who was diagnosed with depression.

They also worked with self-harm, addiction, borderline personality disorder and lived a very unhealthy lifestyle. Some of those things I knew about and some I didn’t, but what I experienced left a lifelong impression on how its possible to live with someone battling their own mind and not understand it completely. When during a talk show, the family is asked, ‘How did you NOT know this was happening?’ I totally understand how they didn’t know.  

What I didn’t understand was how my boyfriend processed his thoughts. He would repeatedly try to explain to me what his experience was and desperately wanted me to understand, but I just couldn’t. I tried everything I could to pull him out of his depression, but the more I tried the worse it got. I felt like my brain kept hitting this wall preventing me from comprehending what his experience was like! Even my feigning at understanding fell flat and it was like we were speaking two different languages. He knew I didn’t get it.

How it was possible he could be in the same room having a completely different experience than me? The closest comparison I have now is the show Stranger Things. The way he would describe his experience reminds me much like living in the Upsidedown. Because while the sun is shining for me, it’s all cloudy and grey for him. Food tastes differently, clothes feel differently, the weight of a word hits differently. And there’s no way to predict when that’s going to happen.

I think we both always knew we would never end up together, even when things we’re ok, ultimately were still very different people who wanted different things. Sometimes he would make predictions or prophesize our futures and as the relationship optimist I would roll my eyes.

I could write off my inability to relate because I was young (in my early 20s) with no understanding or training on how to deal with someone like this, but my situation wasn’t unique. Many, many people live with loved ones who battle mental health with no training or understanding. Sometimes they don’t even know the person is working with a mental health issue until much later. That was true for my experience. He wasn’t diagnosed with BPD until after we finally broke up. I knew he worked with depression, I knew about the cutting, but the overarching diagnosis, wasn’t until much later.

One of the best things I think an outsider can do is to acknowledge when you don’t understand but remain open to listening. I believe it was Deborah Adele who likened the act of listening to being a sanctuary for the other person’s thoughts. But can you be an ear without trying to fix or compare? Can you listen for listening’s sake?

One of the biggest takeaways for me after this experience was: I couldn’t see what I couldn’t see. And that wasn’t my fault, but this idea allows me some grace moving forward to understand that there could be a different perspective and to hold space for it.

In the end, we were not right for each other, so we parted ways. I haven’t talked to him in many years, and I imagine our lives look very different from each other, but every now again one of his predictions rings true and I think of him and wish him well.

I once lived with a person who was diagnosed with depression.

They also worked with self-harm, addiction, borderline personality disorder and lived a very unhealthy lifestyle. Some of those things I knew about and some I didn’t, but what I experienced left a lifelong impression on how its possible to live with someone battling their own mind and not understand it completely. When during a talk show, the family is asked, ‘How did you NOT know this was happening?’ I totally understand how they didn’t know.  

What I didn’t understand was how my boyfriend processed his thoughts. He would repeatedly try to explain to me what his experience was and desperately wanted me to understand, but I just couldn’t. I tried everything I could to pull him out of his depression, but the more I tried the worse it got. I felt like my brain kept hitting this wall preventing me from comprehending what his experience was like! Even my feigning at understanding fell flat and it was like we were speaking two different languages. He knew I didn’t get it.

How it was possible he could be in the same room having a completely different experience than me? The closest comparison I have now is the show Stranger Things. The way he would describe his experience reminds me much like living in the Upsidedown. Because while the sun is shining for me, it’s all cloudy and grey for him. Food tastes differently, clothes feel differently, the weight of a word hits differently. And there’s no way to predict when that’s going to happen.

I think we both always knew we would never end up together, even when things we’re ok, ultimately were still very different people who wanted different things. Sometimes he would make predictions or prophesize our futures and as the relationship optimist I would roll my eyes.

I could write off my inability to relate because I was young (in my early 20s) with no understanding or training on how to deal with someone like this, but my situation wasn’t unique. Many, many people live with loved ones who battle mental health with no training or understanding. Sometimes they don’t even know the person is working with a mental health issue until much later. That was true for my experience. He wasn’t diagnosed with BPD until after we finally broke up. I knew he worked with depression, I knew about the cutting, but the overarching diagnosis, wasn’t until much later.

One of the best things I think an outsider can do is to acknowledge when you don’t understand but remain open to listening. I believe it was Deborah Adele who likened the act of listening to being a sanctuary for the other person’s thoughts. But can you be an ear without trying to fix or compare? Can you listen for listening’s sake?

One of the biggest takeaways for me after this experience was: I couldn’t see what I couldn’t see. And that wasn’t my fault, but this idea allows me some grace moving forward to understand that there could be a different perspective and to hold space for it.

In the end, we were not right for each other, so we parted ways. I haven’t talked to him in many years, and I imagine our lives look very different from each other, but every now again one of his predictions rings true and I think of him and wish him well.