Weekly Letter: A Pain Series (Part 5)

  *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Part 5: Applying it to practice

The practice asks you to monitor pain on different levels: mental and physical. And sometimes they blur or get confused.

I once had a student who would say ‘ow’ every time they felt sensation. We would be doing postures and they would say ‘ow’ all the time. The smallest movements would facilitate a response. It was making practice difficult and so I had to change my approach to figure out what was going on. So I asked, “are you feeling pain or are you feeling sensation?”

They thought for a moment, ‘I’m feeling sensation.’

“Is the sensation warning you of pain, or are you feeling the work of the body?”

As soon as we created more categories for their experience, we were able to have a more productive practice. They would feel something and instead of backing out of the posture, they would think about what they were experiencing and qualify it.

The yoga concept of tapas discusses the transformative process and how the process often has an element of intense friction to it. But it’s the friction people don’t want to stay for. They feel the challenge and shy away or come out of a pose early thinking something is wrong, but they actually were just feeling the work.

How far down the path of exploring your discomfort would you go in order to emerge on the other side?

Charles Duhrig writes about the addictive process in The Power of Habit as a cycle of a habit is the Cue>the response>the reward. At some point, the sensation of work became the cue, the response was to stop and the reward was to no longer feel that anymore. But what if the effort IS the reward? Or maybe, the effort is the cue that you’re on the right path to the reward?

But what is the reward of yoga? As students, we know the reward concept of Samadhi (bliss state), but few are working toward this definition. Maybe as we close out the year, its time to redefine what your reward of the practice is.

Your friend in exploration,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: A Pain Series (Part 4)

 *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Part 4: Pain Messaging

Somewhere, during our cycle of life, early on and now, we are given strong messaging to stuff our pain down. To mute it. Some people stuff it so completely they create an entirely new sensitivity to what it all means. They can change the shape and definition.

Some people turn their pain into anger.

Some people show their pain by inflicting it on others.

Some people hold their pain so deeply within, when it begins to bubble they are surprised.

All the these instances are people being given the message that pain is bad. The other implied messaging is: “You should be happy.” Pain is bad and happiness is the goal.

If a person is in pain, to be happy is a far reach. And you can even argue, that pain and happiness are not on the opposite side of the same scale.

The opposite of pain, is likely, no pain.

The opposite of happiness, may be no happiness. Lack of happiness doesn’t mean despair, it could be contentment. Also, happiness can turn into pain.

Renunciant practioners would pray and meditate to merge back with Brahman and get off the cycle of reincarnation. The practice was an attempt to shed all the labels and burdens of society. They didn’t acquire things to leave a mark on the world, they ate a healthy diet to keep their systems clean more connected to the earth. Everything they did was an attempt to not leave a residue.

Their merging back with Brahman was to merge back into everything. Think of it in a similar way as, ‘ashes to ashes, dust to dust.’ In the practice of yoga, peace isn’t actually the goal, nor is happiness, it’s the unburdening of story, the ego mind. A process of removing labels, identity, and to see the difference between them and the essence of you, the soul.

Be well,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: A Pain Series (Part 3)

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Pain Origins -Part 3: Mental/Emotional

If only small children had the language to express the nuance of mental and emotional pain. We may have had the word ‘gaslighting’ far earlier.

Unfortunately, the child experience of mental or emotional pain is a quiet one. This population, depending on the age do not have the language or the experience to explain themselves (nor the confidence). Thus quieted by their lack of words, the child learns to silence their pain. Maybe they lose themselves within their own fantasies or disassociations to best handle the experience, but they quietly learn to stuff it-no matter the size and possibly creating their own coping mechanisms.

For how can it be pain if they can’t see it? What little Golden Book talked about the confusing world inside?

In today’s world, there are many children’s books that talk about feelings, not long ago, there were few if any. The adults of today (you dear reader) have been given only a few choices on a vast spectrum of emotions. And I presume, if you’re reading this, you’ve left yourself open to the possibility there may be more to yourself than you realize.

Thank you in advance for considering these ideas,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: A Pain Series (Part 2)

 *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Pain Origins: Physical Pain

I grew up in the 80s-90s when ‘stranger danger’ was strong. I used to think the phrase came from The Cure’s Just Like Heaven, but later realized the phrase was ‘strange as angels,’ and not Robert Smith’s wonderful voice saying ‘stranger danger.’ Listen to it, it’s close.

I doubt many children were using Smith as a measure of warning, but instead were having their hands pulled from hot stoves and curious fingers away from outlets (I never stuck my finger in an outlet, but opted to put my Cabbage Patch Doll’s fingers there as a proxy…that backfired, literally) or being warned about paneled vans and candy. I was too, I suppose. But also, pain wasn’t something we were taught to be afraid of. You scrape your knee or fall off the bike, I was more afraid mom was going to grab the red spray from hell (Mercurochrome) than anything I inflicted on myself. It’s amazing how many times the presence of the bottle dried my tears! [Nevermind, Mom, I’m ok!]

It might have been the Mercurochome that gave pain a scale on what I would admit to or not. Only recently at Prompt Care when they asked me to scale my pain, did I notice the chart on the wall. I sat there staring at it curiously wondering if the nurse would think it weird if I snapped a photo with my phone.

This country kid is tempted to rewrite the pain chart to include things like: tangled in rusty barbed wire, grazed the electric fence, fell out of a tree (again), went into the blackberries without my bibs on. All sensations I can still remember quite well.

Even now as I type this, my middle finger glistens with liquid bandage from Sunday’s home maintenance tasks and tribulations. My future as a hand model long gone with all the scars and home-healed bones.  

What’s more, I can only describe pain from my own perspective. There is no way for me to understand someone else’s pain-to know what another’s experience has been. Like you, I can relate, but only so much. So if you feel this is written within a narrow frame, I agree. I would invite you to write or explore your own path.

The overall intent of this exploration, is to ask us all to think a little deeper about our pain experiences.

Thank you in advance for considering these ideas,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: A Pain Series (Part 1)

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

A Series on Pain: Part 1

I went to the doctor for a pain I’ve been having in my wrist. It turns out to be a ganglion cyst and not that big of a deal, but as a precaution, he took an X-ray to check for arthritis.

After, we sat down and he told me about my options and how the cyst might play out in the future. Something he said stuck with me and I find my mind coming back to it.

He said, ‘the pain you feel isn’t causing you harm.’

As yoga teachers, we’re encouraged to keep students out of painful spaces, but there is even some conversation about discomfort in practice that’s safe. Swami Sivananda has a poem called, ‘I am Pain, Thy Teacher,’ which plainly discloses how pain is a friend. I have had students get upset with me because I have introduced the idea of discomfort as a part of yoga shattering their ‘spa-like’ idea of what yoga should be. Yoga itself is marketed as instant peace, among other things.

To all of our detriment, we live in a society which glorifies 24/7 happiness and stigmatizes pain. Equating poverty with pain and pills with solutions.

Upon writing the first draft of this, I started to segment out different experiences I’ve had with pain and students. It became increasingly clear how pain shows up differently and I’d like to spend the next few weeks examining these different avenues. My hope is this conversation may garner a different level of sensitivity within you, the reader. Maybe it informs your practice, maybe it helps you be more sensitive to others, maybe it creates language you’ve never considered before.

Thank you in advance for considering these ideas,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: A Farmer's Meditation

 *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Early in my relationship with Levi, we found ourselves in this cyclical argument we couldn’t find our way out of. Any source of tension at the time would be a catalyst for the same fight and it was wearing us out.

At the time, I was working on the farm. Driving over one day, I thought about my grandparent’s relationship. They were solid to each other up until we lost my grandpa in 89. Grandma and Grandpa were well known for the strength of their bond and had sweet, but practical rules Levi and I often say back and forth to each other.

This day on the farm, I knew the plan was to mow all day. If you have ever worked or lived on a farm, you understand how much mowing there is to do. I get to Grandma’s house and proceed to mow for hours at the same time chewing over this argument trying to find a way to move on from it.

I remember what pasture I was working when the solution occurred to me. And as I finished the plot and ended my day, I went back in to visit with Grandma before heading home.

“Grandma,” I say as I enter the living room, “I know why you and Grandpa never fought. Levi and I had an issue and I sorted it out while I mowed!”

Grandma starts nodding gently looking out the sliding glass door, “Yup, and some days I had to do a LOT of mowing.”

Contemplation isn’t always done seated. Consider some of those places you can be alone with your thoughts as nurturing spaces (a mower, a run/walk, etc).

Weekly Letter: Allow time for reflection

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

In yoga, I see people try to ‘hire-out’ their practice by trying to find shortcuts to results. These are the same people who leave their practice early because the ‘results’ are not what they expected. The message of the practice doesn’t always happen in the moment. The message may happen in the reflection, like when you’re weeding the garden or walking the dog. Integration doesn’t happen because you told it to.

Some old yoga texts were written in code. The only way to break the code was to do the work. As the person did the work, they would come to a part they didn’t understand. So they wold interpret it and try different things to unlock the meaning. Only when they were going in the right direction could they unlock the message and move on to the next. Just imagine if that was how we approached yoga now.

There is a story about a man who was looking for a spiritual guide. He went to a very popular guide and asked what the guide could teach him. The guide told him he could teach him all the secrets of the universe.

This man went to another spiritual guide and asked what the guide could teach him. The guide said he didn’t think he could teach him anything, but the man could join him each morning to watch the sun rise.

The man joined the guide at sunrise the next day and every day after.

Allow time for integration to be a piece of your practice.

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: The Chore to be Great

 *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

I still actively use Pinterest for help with different things. I use it for recipes, travel tips, home repairs, etc. It has helped enrich my life in many ways. One of my tabs is motivational quotes or words of wisdom. I will venture to that tab if I need a little boost, some grounding or *gasp* motivation for a letter to put in my newsletter.

Some of my favorites that I’ve referred back to over the years are:

‘Don’t let someone live rent-free in your mind.’ –(largely referenced back to Ann Landers)

‘Don’t judge your beginning by someone else’s middle.’ -Jon Acuff

‘Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will love its whole life believing that it is stupid.’ -Albert Einstein

What I like about these is the space for introspection. To me, these are way more motivational than a sign that reads, ‘Be great today.’ My rebellious mind would think, ‘but I don’t wanna.’ Also, I find it impossible to be great every day. Sometimes I have cramps or didn’t sleep well-it’s not a recipe for disaster, but some days my ‘being great’ is showing up.

I see that in my students sometimes as well. All the work it took to get to class because they know the hardest part is just getting there. And as Yoganand would say, ‘If you only have 70% off your 100% to give your practice today, then bring 100% of that 70%.’

Be great tomorrow. Be true to you today. I’ll appreciate each degree of the 70% you’ve got.

Weekly Letter: Structuring Habits in Yoga

 *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Structuring habits is not an avenue to restriction. When the right habits are structured, they pay dividends. You will experience this by tuning into how the effect of the habit shows up hours or days later. A regular practice reminds us to breathe and pause while experiencing intense energy so we can better navigate how we want to react to it.

A habit that continues to benefit may take a bit of planning and boundary building in the beginning, but with consistency, your world adjusts to incorporate it.

This is the practice of tapas. The friction of change through challenge. But just because tapas is there in the beginning, doesn’t mean it will stay. The habits that feed you protect you differently. They ask different questions and get you thinking about how you feel in a deeper way. This is growth. This is the practice.  

Book Review: The House Across the Lake

 Rating: 3 Stars

Genre: Thriller

I came across Riley Sager's books a few years ago, but I don't remember how. I was looking for something suspenseful to read during the Fall. A book to settle myself into the Halloween spirit, but also something fun. 

Growing up with an older brother, I was subjected to Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers at far too early an age. Campy horror movies, to me, is what the Halloween season is all about.

Sager's book remind me a bit of the 70's-80's camp mixed with Christopher Pike. The story arch formula always delivers with just the right amount of twists and turns to keep the reader engaged all the way through. I find Sager's writing to be smooth and polished, making the story line flow.

Sager also is a clear fan of the female protagonist. Each lead with clear flaws or quirks that keep them unique and special to the specific story Sager is building. This also lends itself to my beloved 80's camp.

In The House Across the Lake, Sager takes a classic setting and brings a mystery to the reader. Isolated intrigue and a small cast of characters build out connected scenes that can quicken the pace of the read when the story builds in intensity.

This particular story may not have been my favorite among Sager's works, but I was definitely carried through an enjoyable story to satisfy my craving and the book read well all the way to the end.

Overall, a fun book that was easy to read!

Halloween 2023: Medusa & Poseidon go to a Ventian Carnivale-style Party

*This article contains links, but is not sponsored by any affiliates. I receive no compensation or product for any links used through this article and only included them to help the reader.*

Several years ago, I asked for a sewing mannequin for Christmas and got one. It lives in the attic most of the time, but comes down when I need to work on something. I know how to do basic sewing, but I don’t find it relaxing- with the exception of the joy I get from making a Halloween costume. It comes in varying degrees of satisfaction: the creative process of the idea, the execution of the idea and then the very satisfying finale of the party! Could my ego be a bit stroked by this? YUP! But Halloween ultimately celebrates the creative type more than any other holiday. Halloween asks you to think outside the box and make even the most grand concept a reality. It’s a holiday about play. And those who are willing to play, tend to enjoy Halloween.

So, once a year, creativity converges into a month for people who enjoy it to flex their artistic talent and celebrate it together.

A friend decided to have a costume party at the beautiful Ewing Cultural Arts Center with a Venetian Carnival theme. There was one primary rule: the costumes must have a mask. He provided lots of points of inspiration, was excellent at building hype around the festivities and getting people excited to attend.

Levi and I usually know more than a month out what we’re going to be. I need some lead time to figure out the costumes in my head and do some research (IE: excessive Pinteresting) on how I want them to look or function. I’ve made mistakes in the past, for example: you cant see anything out of the Waldorf and Statler masks I made. I should have tested them in dim lighting, but darn it, they look good! Also, we’re in Illinois, the odds of being too hot or cold in a costume is a real gamble. More often, it’s cold-so the costume needs more insulation or even just sleeves.

For Poseidon and Medusa, I wanted to use some of the classic Venetian looks, but tie in a central theme. Green was an obvious choice for her and blues for Poseidon, but I wanted to bring some brocade in. We went to the fabric store and even though their brocade section was small, it had a prettypastel green and a bronze/blue that I thought I could make work. I got complementing chiffon for my costume and some gold trim.

We went to the Halloween store to find mask bases for me to do up. I found nothing for myself that day. I knew I could put a mask together quickly, so I opted to wait. For Levi, its been my experience to make his as comfortable as possible. So I usually let him pick something that he finds comfortable and go from there. He jokingly picked up a Batman mask and put it on, but was surprised at how well it fit. I knew, if he liked the way it felt, to go with it. Also, it was flat black-and easy base to start from. The real trick was a see if I can get it to NOT look like Batman.

For Medusa, I wanted to hint at the Greek draping and cording, but also keep the fullness of the Venetian skirts and the structure of the bodice. She needed to have power, but also a little whimsy.

For Poseidon, I wanted more of a military look. He needed to have some grandness. I also wanted Levi to be able to wear regular pants and shoes.

I don’t use patterns much, if at all. If I need a pattern, I usually just find something in my closet to make a ‘close enough’ copy of. When it’s a costume, you have more forgiveness if there is a mistake. The lights are often dim and the energy of Halloween doesn’t really require things to be overly tailored. If I were to submit my costumes to the 4H fair, I don’t think I would do very well. But the illusion for a 4 hour party…that takes some of the pressure off to get it exact.

I drape and pin my material to the mannequin and Levi understands he needs to be available to me at certain times to take on and off the piece I’m working on.

His costume came together fairly quickly. I started by pinning the fabric to his clothing and moving it around until I got the collar just right. Sew it, and then back and forth for the other side. This year I only poked him with a pin once, which might be a new record! His white shirt, I ordered off Amazon. The ruffle on the chest would give him a little more drama and I liked the idea of a puffy pirate-style shirt for this concept. It compliments both the Poseidon and Venetian parts of the costume.

The trident was originally red at the top. I bought spray primer in a can at the hardware store and painted over it with acrylic paint. The shells were in a pack at Joann’s. It was just a hot glue gun and a goal for the trident to look full. The shells originally had some pretty blues and oranges, but once they were on the trident and held up to the jacket, I knew I needed to paint them. So paint them I did.

Same for the mask: spray with primer, paint and then go over with a light brush of bronze. I decided to cut the ears off and that was the right call. It created a nice line at the top for me to glue the shells on for Poseidon’s crown and paint to match the shells on the trident.

The weight of the trident was making me a bit nervous. A prop can really complete the outfit, but it can also become a chore to carry around. I knew if Levi needed both hands, he was going to lean it against the edge of the table, it would fall and break immediately. So I decided to create a way for him to carry it without it being in the way. Like a sheath for a sword or a quiver for arrows, Levi needed something across his back. I took 2 space pieces of  leftover brocade and made a martingale and then added another strap at his right shoulder blade so the trident would still peek over his shoulder, participating in the costume’s feel, without him having to fuss with it. Levi went along with it, but didn’t really understand why I wanted that for him until party-time. He thanked me at least 3 times during the party for adding that! Lol!

For Medusa, I already had this black strapless bridesmaid dress with a full skirt that I have used for many things because of its classic shape. My goal was to make a piece to go over the dress and use the dress to fill it out (and keep me warm). As I was pinning pieces to the mannequin, my thoughts immediately went to the idea of a kitchen apron. And that was how I started to build out my dress. I like to give myself some time to walk away from a costume (more than once) as I come up onto areas where I get stuck. I definitely needed to walk away from this one a few times. I go the front together quickly, but getting the back together was a bit trickier. Do I do a zipper? A corseted close?

I put a snap closure at the waist in the back and then to close the bodice, I made a mock-corset close with black ribbon.

But I didn’t test it out. Whoops. [I’ll return to this]

My mask I found on the 2^nd trip to the Halloween store. I had picked up a large snake headband on the 1^st trip and couldn’t figure out how to get it to stay, it was popping off my head, too heavy and too wide. I’m 5’2”, everyone will be brushing by me and hitting this thing all night if I wear something that wide.

The week before the party, in the middle of the night, I had a dream to make it into a fascinator. And during the 2^nd trip to the Halloween store, I saw a cute little black top hat attached to a headband.

I got both the top hat and a pretty gold mask, one last trip to Joann’s (not really, I still had one more to go) and went home. There I pulled out the glue gun and went to work. I took a sharp knife and cut up with snake head piece, figured out how I wanted it to look and started gluing. I had some gold flowery stuff for wreaths that I added, some flowers and jewels, but at Joann’s they had a string of battery operated fairy lights. I thought that could be a cool thing to add to my hat! And I could put the battery pack in the hat to hide it. The hat came together pretty quickly. I added flowers, feathers, snakes and jewels to the mask and then went into the drawer to find an old pair of sunglasses. With something on my head, I was going to need a different way to navigate the mask, so I cut off the elastic band and glued a pair of frames to the inside. Comfortable, easy to take off and functional.

So lets see…for my costume, I wanted it to be pretty, warm, functional, dramatic, with lights and I needed a pocket of some kind.

Using some of the leftover brocade, I made a simple envelope bag with a Velcro close. I was going to pin it to the dress, but got in a hurry and was worried it was going to come off, so I glued it to the skirt under the draping sleeve to camouflage it a bit.

The weather report was saying between 45-55 degrees Fahrenheit and possible rain. My dress is sleeveless. Hmm…this seems like a job for a shrug.

I found this excellent tutorial for a dancers shrug and back to Joann’s I go for the fabric. I look in almost every isle, but come back to this pretty mauve stretchy velvet. It was perfect. You could still see the goldsnake arm band and it went with the dress without looking heavy. I was a comfortable temp all night!

The night of the party, Levi and I get ready, we played with the idea of doing makeup on him, but scrapped it quickly. I added some drama around the eyes and mouth and that was really it. The hair was sprayed and pinned to withstand any wind gusts (we’re in Illinois, they can be pretty strong) and then it was time to get me in the dress.

As soon as we get the dress over me, the corset back was scrunching together…crap. The party starts in 30mins. We play with it in front of the mirror a bit, Levi helps me take it off, I go to my sewing table, cut off the ribbon and sew the two panels together. Hopefully I didn’t just make my dress to small to get into. After a tiny bit of maneuvering my bits, the dress is on and it fits! 

I get the hat on and it’s time to party!

We got there right at dusk, so the lights on my hat were impactful, the purse was easy to get into and my mask wasn’t too hard on my face. We were able to have a great night, people ‘got’ our costumes right away (whew). The whole evening was fun to talk and move about such a beautiful place with fun people. 

The event itself was full of activity, tarot reader, tin-type photography, poetry, pumpkin carving contest, food trucks and more! Even the rain and cooler weather added to the ambiance.

Yay for Halloween!

 

Weekly Letter: The To-Do List Conundrum

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

I’ve never felt a sense of completion by finishing a To Do list.

That’s the goal, isn’t it? Except, the To Do list is a magical being of judgement. If I were to put a fairy tale spin on the To Do list, I might even wonder if the To Do list is a curse of the wood sprite-their ultimate gag to make the person’s desires not come true.

And yet, we return each time to create a list to later feel our own judgement of self for not finishing it.

But I wonder…maybe the To Do list’s job is not to be completed, but to be made. The list itself is to organize our thoughts and create intention, but at some point the relevancy of the list expires and we throw it out to make a new updated list. One that will serve us for the current moment.

Thus, perpetuating the cycle.

If we begin and do not finish, is that a bad thing? What if the activity of creating and starting is the most valuable piece of the process.

Musings: The To Do List

 I’ve never felt completed by finishing a To Do list.

But that’s the goal, isn’t it? The To Do list is a magical being of judgement. If I were to put a fairy tale spin on the To Do list, I might even wonder if the To Do list is a curse of the wood sprite-their ultimate gag to make the person’s desires not come true.

And yet, we return each time to create a list to later feel our own judgement of self for not finishing it.

But I wonder…maybe the To Do list’s job is not to be completed, but to be made. The list itself is to organize our thoughts and create intention, but at some point the relevancy of the list expires and we throw it out to make a new updated list. One that will serve us for the current moment.

Thus, perpetuating the cycle.

If we begin and do not finish, is that a bad thing? What if the activity of creating and starting is the most valuable piece of the process.

Book Review: The Lost Apothecary by Sarah Penner (3.5 stars)

 ☆☆☆1/2

A little more than 20 years ago, there was a shift in the wine industry. Wine once was only enjoyed by connoisseurs and people avoided wine out of fear of drinking the ‘wrong thing’. The wine industry embraced their feeling of exclusivity to keep a standard. But as more vineyards began popping up, they began to use playful and cheeky label designs.

What happened next surprised the wine industry. People were buying the wine with the playful names and labels! And soon after, the idea of drinking wine because of the label was very quickly socially acceptable. A trend that is still present today.

Literature has had a much richer history in using cover art to draw in readers. The Lost Apothecary, has been a book I had been admiring the cover of for a while. I almost picked it up a few times and felt as though it would be a good vacation or poolside read.

When gearing up for my most recent vacation, I finally picked up my copy of Sarah Penner’s book to take along with me to begin on the plane.

Immediately, I found Penner’s writing style to be a smooth read. She captured the energy of London and used a creative approach to develop her story. As a reader, I empathized with the characters and their story lines. In fact, the story could have been a bit longer to develop the characters a bit more.

The character of Nella was the weakest for me. Nella’s arch was a bit of a struggle for me as a reader, as though Penner was checking boxes to make the story come together. I wanted to feel her pain a bit more deeply, as we felt Caroline and Eliza’s. I also felt as though Nella’s story was a bit unfinished in the end.

Overall, it was a nice read and a good overall story. A good option for an easy read. I will be picking up Penner’s second book, The London Séance Society.