Weekly Letter: Light & Dark Part 4

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

So what does the light and dark show us?

Much like strengthening a muscle, exercising the light and the dark invites us to become more sensitive and aware. To observe the delicate balance of both when we are in the moment so the moment doesn’t take us over.

Exploring light & dark gives way to our humanity allowing us to live freely as a person apart of the planet and the community. It makes us fallible and messy and beautiful and fun!

But most importantly, it asks us to be aware. To watch ourselves with gentle eyes and to treat ourselves first with the kindness we always want to bestow on others. Because if we are numb to our own light & dark, how can we ever hold someone else’s in a safe way?

Exploring light & dark never stops, it changes with you as you grow and move through the world. And your practice is a reminder to come back to this feel their ebb and flow so you can breathe through it all.

The warm glow in the studio is a loving reminder of the power of the light and how to helps us measure the amount of dark we are navigating in the moment.

Weekly Letter: Light & Dark Part 3

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

There is something very loving about this idea of how yoga can approach you in ways that defy words. How it can be more a feeling than anything and when you hit the stride of it all you just move as though in a dream. Colors are different, and what you see and feel pull together in such a harmony there are few experiences like it.

I recently heard a recording of a friend dictating a meditation for Pranakriya, and my ears just relaxed hearing her. Her words danced through and I felt my entire body soften. Listening to her was as warm as the light in that old studio.

But is this where the light lives? Is this feeling the light?

Could be. It also could just be a deeper sense of relaxation. The tricky part is, I can’t identify the light and dark for you, because everyone’s definition and scale is different. But you, knowing these ideas can begin to consider them.

The light, like the darkness isn’t a destination. We don’t just find the light and live there-otherwise it would be the Precious in a sense and you Gollum. We would have feelings and ideas of grandeur and it would be hard to leave. The light is a part of you which can be activated or snuffed out. It is the exploration of the range of emotion and experience, but it lives very closely to the dark.

It’s the absence of dark. Not the opposite of dark. Like how a gentle cloud can dampen the light, so the purity of the light is always impacted by degrees of dark.

Weekly Letter: Light & Dark Part 2

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Early in my teaching career, I was talking about the concept of light & dark in a general sense to a group of students. One of my students was very upset by this concept and expressed their belief yoga was only good and happy and peaceful. The thought of yoga being connected to your darkness was something they were not wanting to accept.

It was an awkward teaching moment, but also one that left an impression because of the size of their reaction. They were genuinely surprised and I hated that I was the one who shattered their illusion of yoga, however misguided it was.

Since, I have probably over-corrected and sometimes spend too much time talking about the dark. All in an effort to protect students through a warning.

Maybe I should change the analogy to more of a The Lord of the Rings analogy and instead call the dark, ‘Middle-earth’ so individuals feel less daunted by what I mean. Because really, the dark is all the sh*t that happens along the way. Our moments that are less shiny, potentially devastating but also brought us to where we are today. These are the things that make us interesting and dynamic. The things that separate and connect us all-whether we talk about them or not. Our Middle-earth is broad and contains all our peaks and valleys…and it’s weather.

Our practice cannot be present without all the facets of who we are. To pretend those are not apart of us negates a central part of our humanity. So maybe it’s not the darkness exactly or Middle-earth, maybe its all the grey too.

But what about the light?

Weekly Letter: Light & Dark Part 1 of 4

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

When I think back to my early days as a new practioner, attending the Washington Street studio for classes, I largely remember the light in the room. The way it moved through you as though a blanket of warm, safe energy reaching to hold you.

My early days of practice were all about finding the light. Maybe that was something I was seeking. Maybe it was something I needed as I worked nights. Maybe it was something I was trying to cultivate within myself.

Over time, my relationship to yoga and my practice changed, and even when I felt as though I was on a good track, the darkness would come into my practice from unexpected places. I was going through a lot at the time and I knew it in the moment. I remember through training the dark can come to surface. I don’t think it surprised me as much as it confirmed my own suspicion that chalana (churning) was in full effect.

This isn’t to say yoga introduces darkness but makes you aware of the darkness that already lives inside. Things we bury, things we hoped to move on from, they can resurface.

So I ask you, do you believe there is both light and dark inside of you?

It’s a rare bird who says no. If you do say no, I might ask you to sit with that idea a bit.

Weekly Letter: Seeking Authenticity

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

In reflection after a weekend away with my husband, we were talking about what we love to do when we travel or go places and I surmised that we go for an authentic experience. I struggle with places that are too stark and crave places that have color or character.

As I was reflecting on this, it took me to the practice. What if your practice was a checklist I gave you? ‘Follow these steps to achieve yoga bliss!’ Would you do it? How far down the list would you go before you called bull?

Would it make a difference if the list was only 5 items?

How about 50?

The thing is, if I gave you a list, no matter the size, the list itself would breed a generic feeling. How can I really make a master list of things to do in order for you to connect to yourself in a deeper way? How can I propose to know YOUR path?

While I have experiences and training to guide, the value of the work really lives within the effort you put forth. You can’t outsource that. And you can’t fake it either. You wouldn’t look at your practice the same if you could and you might resent the person making such a promise.

The value is in the work,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: The Obstacles are part of the Journey

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

I read something recently that said something along the lines of, ‘the obstacles are part of the journey. There will always be obstacles in the path. The practice is navigating around them.”

Everything wants to get in your way-no matter the goal. But the exercise of knowing there will be obstacles, and then getting around whatever obstacles present themselves open a whole new piece of your practice.

What if the goal wasn’t ‘getting on the mat’ but ‘getting around the thing in the way of the mat?’

Take one step back to see what you can see,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: Wisdom from George Carlin

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

As we go through the practice, alone on the mat. Sometimes finding our minds quiet, sometimes not. The practice asks us to observe, but it doesn’t tell us what to examine exactly. Your teacher offers you things to consider and its up to you to assign what that idea might belong to. It makes me think about this quote from the legendary George Carlin:

If you’re looking for self-help, why would you read a book written by somebody else? That’s not self-help, that’s help. There’s no such thing as self-help. If you did it yourself you didn’t need help. Try to pay attention to the language we’ve all agreed on. -George Carlin.

Note: the section of the bookstore is now called, Personal Growth.

Why do I bring this up? Because our practice is asking us to go inside of ourselves and find the wisdom there. But at some point we leave the studio and go about our days interacting with the world. And there will be times when you as a yoga practioner are in a situation where all the things you know from your mat escape you. And you’re not your finest self. Maybe you realize it in the moment, maybe it comes to you later, maybe you’re thinking about something that happened now.

So let me help you to remember; apart of ahimsa (non-violence) isn’t just preventing inflicting harm to yourself and others, but to find the gentleness too. It’s not as simple as pain and no pain. It’s watching yourself go towards the harsher reaction and taking pause. Its ALSO letting yourself off the hook sometimes.

We all could easily take a dive into our less flattering selves, so make some of your practice be holding space for yourself (both the light and dark parts) in a kinder way.

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: are we stifling yoga?

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

In late Middle English the word create was derived from the idea that something was ‘born out of nothing.’ And idea, a story, art. Even our postures came from spontaneous movement from deep meditation. The build of prana (energy) in the body caused it to begin to move in fantastic ways. Thus, beginning our asanas. But these movements were free and open, and they might contort through the inspiration. The movement wasn’t directed or criticized. The practioners just allowed the prana to flow and would allow this manifestation of movement to come over them. As though it was being done to them.

Modern yoga holds much rigidity now. Boxing us in with names and labels-all in the name of fitness or safety.

It begs the question: have we stifled yoga with too many rules and expectations?

What if we took yoga back to the spontaneous movement? To places where we were allowed to be free moving and curious. Would you find that to be freeing or would it cultivate fear? In time, with practice, do you think you could allow yourself to move freely and without expectation of what the movement is called or what it means?

Think about it,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: Letting Go

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

The right combinations of words unlock awareness inside of ourselves. We find places we’ve never had access to or maybe learn something new we didn’t fully understand before. By using words and language we get to create all these new associations to better grow into the human we will be tomorrow.

So why is it only language that grants us this access? (Hint: its not)

Without language we would be forced to move and understand in a different way. So is language creating nuance or is it holding us to its frame?

Movement has less rules, less restrictions. Movement doesn’t need punctuation to be alive, but can punctuate. Movement can create associations for the mind, allowing for neurotransmitters to fire and connect. Waves of silken chiffon blowing through the color changing wind without any cares or concerns as to where it will go. It just goes.

There is not beginning or end to this, we take a short time to connect to it and spend that short time with the words trying to tackle the chiffon to the ground. Why do we do that?

What if we allowed the words to be lighter than the chiffon so they may lift into the either and be carried. Maybe then they will fade into something new, finding their own dance and removing the sharp edges of their letters.

Let go,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: The Same Practice

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Why do we ask our yoga to be the same all the time?

I am not the same every day. Some days I feel more strongly than others. Some days I need to take care of my emotions and be quiet or small.

But the yoga isn’t asking you to be anything other that what you are. And to be more sensitive to who that person is. By connecting closer to the truth that is now, you open yourself to the care and consideration you need to so you can recharge. The practice is just reflecting back what it sees or experiences. And why is that so hard to accept?

Watch the reflection,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: Taking the practice deeper

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

The Bhagavad Gita says, ‘Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self.’

The word journey is tricky. In any journey, it implies a destination with stops along the way. Maybe journey is the word because so many yogis were nomadic. Journey is mentioned countless times in writings, I’ve used the word a lot myself. But in reflection, is it the best word for the modern practitioner?

The yogi of the past, was seeking enlightenment. Freedom from reincarnation. The yogi of the past was working on their spiritual health with no real guarantees on what would happen.

The modern yogi has been promised results through mass marketing and has a different goal taking focus on their current body and mind. I have never had a student come to me asking for enlightenment in my 10 years of teaching.

If I were to say to the modern aspiring yogi, ‘this practice will only make you look and feel good in the afterlife,’ I’m pretty sure they would walk away from me with a WTH look on their face.

So, lets look at that word journey again. Can there be both? Can the modern student attain their physical goals and work toward enlightenment in their yoga journey? I think so.

Here is what I would offer that person to consider:

1. Place a higher value on pranayama than asana
2. Change the words you’re focusing on in class
3. Let the words instructing movement go into the background of what you hear
4. Focus on the words that ask you to go inside of yourself

But Carmen, isn’t the asana important? Yes, and it will still happen. I’m just asking you to change where you hear the emphasis. Peel back the layer of asana and what do you have? You want to deepen your practice? Try that for one class and let me know how it goes.

Dig deeper,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: Send Love through Light

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

This past holiday season my neighbors and I decided to coordinate our porch decorations to tie the neighborhood together. It was a cute candy cane theme that was easy to do and be creative. We enjoyed the idea that our block would feel unified, festive and bright.

Then most of us took down our decorations and at the beginning of February, and the neighborhood was suddenly plunged into darkness. Like a vacuum-all the light out was sucked out of the block. It was weird, eerie even.  

I read a few years ago, leaving Christmas lights on the porch during the winter months can help individuals with seasonal depression, but I might say, it makes people in general feel better as they see the pretty lights and the energy of their warmth is transferred. While I felt how real that could be, nothing made this idea more obvious than when the neighborhood took the lights down this year.

Valentine’s Day being this week, some celebrate, some don’t. I could do a whole thing on self-love and probably will some day, but not on a week where it will fall short to do what it needs to because it’s playing into forced energy.

So instead, I want to propose something. Leave your porch light on Wednesday night. If you have something else you can turn on, go for it, but what if for that night, a night when some people feel the most lonely, you offer a kindness-the safety of your light. There are a few thousand people on this newsletter. What would it mean in our community to have a few thousand lights on? A person coming home from a first date gets a little more light to come home to. Your neighbor comes home to an empty house greeted with a little extra light from next door. What would it mean for you to come home to something like that?

Take this moment to put a reminder in your phone or set your timer for Wednesday and for the night, leave the porch light on to energetically give the outside world a loving hug.

Light it up,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: Helping Future Me

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

I’ve been spending some time over the last month doing little jobs for myself in the future.

I’ve been wiring ornaments to small trees before putting them away, writing my future self emails and scheduling their delivery, I’ve been organizing certain things in a clearer way, so I won’t have to redo something later. And if I think there is a chance I’m going to miss something because I was lazy in the moment, I stop and don’t move forward with that task, but wait until I have the time to devote to it properly.

What am I getting ready for? Just me. I’m trying to be kinder to my future self now so I don’t fill my head with the condemnation I would surely dump on myself later.

It might seem silly or obvious to do this. I’ve started to notice how many little things I’ve been putting on myself for later, waiting for the time or intention to do them. Until they mount so high the pressure is crushing.

Adam Grant made a comment about picking your pain when taking on a goal.

Instead of creating a goal, Grant suggests you consider the work it will take to get there, and if you’re not willing to do that work, then your goal isn’t going to work. If you find the work you’re willing to challenge yourself with, then that is a goal you’re more likely to achieve.

Great lesson. But also, ‘picking your pain.’ By putting things off and letting them pile up until I’m motivated, am I not just punishing future me? And in the future, am I not just filling my headspace with a narrative about my past self? A person I cannot possibly be anymore because time has lapsed?

So why am I choosing to perpetuate this cycle? No. Its time to get off that wheel to no where.

Keep going,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: Getting Started

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

I sat down to paint the other day. I’ve been watching a few artists work a medium I enjoy and whose prints I have bought for my home.

The technique is ink and watercolors. I love watching the way their hand floats across the page, they make it look so easy and relaxing, don’t they? I’ve never taken a formal drawing class, but I have doodles in my notebook. I thought I would give it a shot.

The window in my office overlooks the backyard, I want to draw the roof line of my neighborhood. I sit down with my sketchpad (that I’ve never sketched in) a pen and some acrylic paint I have lying around. Here we go! This is going to be amazing!

The first line goes on the page and its not straight. That’s ok, the artists on Instagram don’t always have straight lines. That’s what I like about it. Then the roof line doesn’t match up, whoops. The tree trunk looks weird. How is the garage so much farther away on the page than in real life? What IS that? Maybe this would be easier if I used the right materials and not what I have. I think Michael’s has paint markers. I wonder how hard they are to use.

I work for an hour before deciding to switch to a fresh sheet. That was a bad idea. I just start doodling again for a bit before putting it down.

But I don’t put it away.

Keep going,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: Getting Unstuck

 *Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

I had a meeting last week I was kinda dreading. It wasn’t the person, but the topic. I had put a project on the back burner and I was going into a meeting where I was going to have to admit that. I had built up the outcome in my head (as we do) and was certain I was going to feel the feeling in my stomach we are trained to avoid (dread, regret).

As the meeting was finding its footing among the various things we needed to discuss, after a few minutes, I decided to lay my cards out on the table-outcome be damned.

After I was finished, the person I was meeting with started talking about ‘getting unstuck’ and applying it to different facets of interaction, practice and more.

Without this being either of our intention-our meeting took a theme. And the more we talked, the more this theme kept coming up. At one point, I told her, ‘I usually have a word or phrase that I use for the year and I didn’t have one yet, but I think unstuck is it.’

We had to hold ourselves back for so long due to the pandemic, moving out of the safe hibernation seems scarier than before. Or harder than before. Allowing ourselves the grace to recognize the moments when that resistance is coming in and giving it a good hard look to see if it is something we’re still clinging to and why. Is this something I’m holding back on waiting for the other shoe to drop? Why am I waiting for that?

Stay curious,

~Carmen

 

Weekly Letter: 9 Years

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

9 years.

I bought the studio 9 years ago Monday (1/15).

Am I any wiser? What have I learned in the 9 years of having my own business?

To think back on the person who decided to take on an existing business, she really didn’t know what she was doing. She knew how to work hard. She knew she was willing to learn. She knew this experience would ask her to grow in ways she couldn’t predict.

What she didn’t know, was how lonely it can be. How you are your own worst employee. And how you can very easily make more work for yourself.

There have been a few reoccurring themes. Things I remind myself of to stay motivated or to steer me when I’m flying blind. So here are a few of the lessons I’ve learned in my time as a business owner:

1.     Keep reading. Read everything you can about business, budgeting and topics on your field. You will grow infinitely faster if you give yourself the space to keep reading and learning. Stuck? Read something. Grow.

2.     You’re never going to be organized enough. But allow yourself the space you need to organize. Use it as a practice to clear your space and your mind. You will find things you’ve been looking for, uncover things you never noticed before and otherwise will sleep better leaning into creating systems and lend themselves to organization.

3.     Trust your gut. Trust your gut. And when in doubt, trust your gut.

4.     Five minutes of discomfort is worth the outcome. We avoid things that make us uncomfortable, so change what that feeling means to you. If you lean into the discomfort of the unknown, you will begin to change the sensation into one that signals learning and growth. And then you will begin to look for it in situations to grow more.

5.     Take the trip. The work will always be there and your students will understand.

6.     Everyone is your teacher. Read that again.

Thank you for the last 9 years, I may not say it enough or in the most elegant way, but please know, it is not lost on me how important you all are and how lucky I am to do this for a living.

Much appreciation,
~CC

Weekly Letter: 5 things that keep me organized

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Last week, I was putting myself together for the year. By that, I mean I was compiling the tools I use that keep me organized and on track with the responsibilities of my job. Some of the items I replenish as I run out and some I need earlier than the new year, but all keep me organized in my mind. By not having the tools we know help us stay successful, we can become more distracted and unbalanced and tasks can take longer than they should to complete as we try to invent a new way.

Here are the things that keep me organized throughout the year:

1.      3 wall calendars: I have 1 at my desk at home and one at the studio (I use these more as quick refence while I’m working at my computer). I also order one for the kitchen that Levi and I use to record different things together and make plans. I jot down studio events, vacations or days off, he will add work functions or football games he wants to watch. In addition to birthdays and other fun things. Levi is the one that often takes the calendar down and updates it while I make dinner. I know it helps him have an overview of the month at home.  

Why not use a digital calendar? We do have a shared digital calendar, but he can’t share his work calendar with me and my schedule often confuses him and he doesn’t see the things that actually pertain to our life together.

Is it a lot of calendars for 2 people. Yup. I hate to tell you, we all now live in the Matrix. Instead of code, it’s calendars.

2.      A spiral notebook: Something smaller than a notebook used for school, I have been using hardback notebooks like these to begin my week for about ten years. I start a new one each year and often get close to getting all the way through it. I record notes from my meetings and often go back to remember what we discussed. In some ways, I like to think of it as a diary of my work. I will write ideas and inspiration and enjoy going back to older books to rediscover old ideas. It can be very grounding.

3.      My meal planner: if you’ve spent any amount of time with me, you know I live and die by my meal planner. An honest discovery that came out of Levi and I needing to live very frugally in the early parts of our relationship. We discovered grocery shopping before the weekend prevented us from eating out so we cooked consistently and have leftovers on nights early in the week when we might be less inclined to cook. You know you’re going to eat every day, why not simplify the process and make it easier to go about your week? It takes me less than half an hour to meal plan each week. That’s less time than it usually takes to decide on a restaurant once!

4.      A monthly calendar: I know, I know, ANOTHER CALENDAR??!?!? This one is for studio events, social media and programming. It helps me map out my time. By having a designated calendar for this, it doesn’t clutter my regular calendar. I use post-its for event ideas or tentative programs and colored markers to organize by theme.

5.      Other fluff: with taxes coming up, I like to have backup ink cartridges ready to go and a case of paper on hand to get me through the year. You might like to have a new set of pins, washi tape or post-its. All things I grab as I need throughout the year, but these things keep me feeling on top of things from day one.

I didn’t set out to have 6 calendars (really, 2 are just for quick reference), and I know there are other ways to organize, but I came to this process naturally. If I had all the calendars in the same place, it would take a lot for me to see what I needed to see from the page I was looking at. This way, I ‘bulk process’ my tasks. I will sit down with the calendars as I need to and work off of them without getting distracted by the rest.

I’d love to hear what things help you feel successful and organized.

Let’s make space for our minds,

~Carmen

Weekly Letter: Happy 2024

*Weekly Letter is the letter I include in my weekly yoga studio newsletter.*

Me to Levi: I want to write something about new years resolutions, but how they don’t work.

Levi: there’s a podcast you should listen to…

Link to the transcript and recording:

The Problem with setting goals with NFL linebacker Emmanuel Acho

You don’t have to read/listen to the whole thing if you don’t want to, but the first part highlights where I was trying to go with goal-setting, but with more depth.

I frequently see people creating a goal only to be discouraged by it. They take on yoga teacher training and never practicing again once it’s over. As soon as the individual misses their practice or completes the program, the goal is either unattainable or achieved and then the intended inertia it was supposed to bring, very quickly becomes something draining. They become resentful of the goal as opposed to empowered by it.

I read something recently about choosing the pain you wish to endure in pursuit of what you want to achieve. Deciding the end result is easy. Are you prepared and willing to go through the pains it takes to get there? I will forever look at the goals I need to set through this lens.

I know this letter is less guided than others…I am just asking you to consider another idea.

Your friend in exploration,

~Carmen